Broken.....

Okay so I guess today is a new day... It's a day that I can start letting people into my life & some of the things I experienced growing up. For those of you who read this feel free to relate or respond. I first would like to start out with my child hood. It's kind of odd letting strangers into my life but at the same time like I said before I hope to either help other people that have been through this or learn how to get past everything. My life as a child was not easy at all. Until I was five we moved from trailer to trailer. Finally got a house at age five. My mom and dad fought constantly. Sometimes violent sometimes not. My dad was a drunk back then when I was a lot younger. And I can remember listening to things that he would do to mom... Them screaming & throwing things. My younger sister was born when I was five, so she didn't get the worst of things. It didn't get much better though as we grew older. I know that my parents did just about every drug there was & went through phases of being strung out on meth. I can remember a time when I was about 12 or 13 & my mom had locked me, my sister & herself in my bedroom. Her and dad were fighting & he was drunk & trying to get in the room. I can remember the sound very distinctly of him ramming his head into the door like a bull trying to get in my room. Mom finally let him in & I told him that my sister & I didn't need to hear this. He put it off on my mom saying that she made me say that so he ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at my face. Missed me by a couple of inches & shattered on the wall. As I got a little older around like 14 that was the first time my dad hit me in the face. I can remember we were in the truck & I had been at a friends house & her mom dropped us off at an arcade that I wasn't allowed to go to & never came to pick us up so of course I wasn't going to call him to come get me. Some how he had found out and  was looking for me all night. We had stayed with another friends grandparents that night. Anyway when he picked me up he was furious & he hit me so hard the other side of my face hit the windshield. I can remember him screaming at me to report him. Which of course I would not have done. He was telling me that he would drive me his self for me to tell on him. After that my dad & I didn't talk for around 2 years and that was with me living there. It was a have to talk situation before I would say anything. Also my parents use to always make me and my sister stay with our grandparents so that they could have their own time. My grandparents pretty much raised us & we lived with our parents & they set the rules or whatever. Around age 15 I got my first boyfriend & I guess to get rid of me they started letting me stay the night with him. Which of course ended up leading to other things... And that's what age I lost my virginity. Til this day my mom will deny letting me stay with him because I was friends with his sister but he always came to pick me up and bring me home stuff like that. I don't know if they were just strung out at that time & don't remember or what... Anyway this is just the start of many more things to come just letting you in a little at a time there's so much to tell... I know I'm not the only one that has gone through things like this... And what's weird is it has made me never be able to forget any bad that has happened in my life. A lot of the good just leaves me for some reason & I'm almost stuck living in the past in my mind.... Until next time....